Status: Closed.

I completely blame /u/heavenlysketches for this one...

The greatest trick the Drop Bears ever pulled was convincing the world they didn’t exist.

It came without warning. THE GREAT DROP. Who knew that not only were Drop Bears real, but ruled by a sentient elite hierarchy? Tony Abbott! That’s who! Secretly in collusion with the Queen Bear for years, the Prime Minister called a press conference to announce the new Bureau of Extra-Australian Relations (BEAR) on what would be the last known Australia/Invasion Day.

Invasion Day was right, and it appeared no one was more surprised than Mr Abbott when he was relieved of his duties, quite forcefully; Queen Arcadia herself chomping his head off in one bite, while live on national TV.

Millions died in the initial onslaught; a carefully coordinated attack that had been decades in the planning. The drop bears had infiltrated everywhere. With the brutal execution of Australia’s prime minister behind her, Queen Arcadia was soon accepted by the World Leaders as the new ruling monarch - so much for Allies.

We were abandoned by our brothers and sisters of humanity. Those humans left alive were rounded up and put into camps, where they were bred and farmed like cattle - a delicacy to the new ruling monarch who quickly seceded from the British Commonwealth. Australia would become an island left to the wild, and soon returned to that.

Fast forward a few years to 2020. No longer preoccupied with the invasion of Australia, the Bears had grown bored and restless. Enter The Games. Designed to feed the most bloodthirsty of desires. We humans were taken into the wilderness, with the deadliest creatures of Australia surrounding us, including the deadliest of them all… the Bear itself. They give us a weapon, (and call that fair). But the reality is, no one has ever returned. We’re sport: nothing but entertainment to the growing rabid population of drone and elite bears alike.

Welcome to my fucked up day.

The world is a strange place when you’re hanging upside down from a gum tree. “Fucking Droppers…” I mutter, swinging around and trying to reach the python tightening around my ankle, while eyeing off the gathering of crocodiles beneath me. If I hadn’t been so preoccupied with the fact that I’d just been bitten by a paralysis tick, I probably would have seen this coming. Instead, I made the one fatal mistake you just don’t do when you’ve been thrown into a world trying to kill you. I dropped my machete.

I can feel the scales of the python sliding around my bare leg as the serpent starts to haul me up the tree to certain death. Perhaps I’d be concerned about how I look, with my short skirt falling down and exposing little white panties. But, staying alive is more important to me when I see you appear a short distance away. I see you notice me, your hesitation at the sight before you.

Even still, I can’t quite bring myself to call out for help. A girl has to have some dignity after all; even when she is a fucking damsel in distress.

Turn-ons: Heroic feats of strength and agility, chivalry, a well polished breastplate, ability to handle your own weapon.

Turn-offs: Giant snakes, dropped machetes, and eucalyptus.

Hard limits: Drop bears

Everything else negotiable.

PPS. I’m smack-bang in the middle of a house move, so any replies are going to be very slow indeed. Just fair warning that it’ll be a good week and a bit before I get back into the swing of things. Just couldn’t let this topic pass me by :)