Hey there people, let’s talk about sex, baby! Let’s talk about you and me, let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things :) dances away and forgets why she's here...

Oh wait. OK. enough of that.

I want to talk about expectations around that dreaded concept - Character Control.

Those of you who know me well know that this is a pet peeve of mine. And it happens all too often. It has the potential to ruin what was, until then, a really good role play. Because frankly I don’t like being told what to do.

Up until recently I had kind of thought the goal for most people here would be the same. That role playing is interactive and we each play our own characters, and leave the reactions of the others alone.

Someone pointed out to me that it might not be the case, that people might actually come here looking for an author to tell them a story, and they have minimal participation. While I don't actually get this, if that’s the case, then more power to you and I wish you all the best finding someone to write a story for you. But, at the end of the day, I think most of us are here to write an interactive story, no? [If not… then stop reading here]

So what is Character Control?

Everyone is going to see this as something different. My own take on it is:

1. Describing my character in great detail (without having either had me do so already, or discussed prior to start of the RP)

2. Writing verbal or physical replies for my character (unless I’ve specifically stated how I would reply and you’re welcome to use that to progress a scene)

3. Ending a scene in such a way that I have no other option but to write it as you have.

But everyone is going to have their own opinion.

Example 1.

She had ruby red hair that hung in dreadlocks to her waist, and bright glittery green eyes that reminded me of emeralds.

My reply: Actually, I saw her as someone with black hair and blue eyes. If your partner hasn’t given you a description yet, ask for one if you need it. Or write non descriptively for a bit? There’s a lot that can be said without going into specifics. ie. “Her hair looked as if it was as soft as silk, and when she smiled her eyes shone like diamonds, leaving me captivated.”

Example 2.

She looked at him in shock, her eyes wandering the length of his body, and she couldn’t move. She simply stared at him, speechless, until he slipped into the shadows leaving her to return to her home.”

My reply: Maybe she wasn’t shocked, maybe she was curiously surprised, and gives pursuit. Unfortunately you’ve dictated that I’m shocked and speechless, unable to act. Which leaves me with little option to decide my own actions.

Noting my reaction tells me how i have to react. It's easy to do, and sometimes we do it by accident, and sometimes it's implied from partner's previous post so you can make little assumptions (after all, if I was moaning due to your attentions in my last post, fair chance that's going to continue and you can write that into your reply). But overall... no... just no.

On occasion, a tiny bit of character control comes in handy to progress a scene. One can usually presume, for instance, that if your characters are travelling in the same direction if they’ve agreed “Yes, let’s both go down the Yellow Brick Road”. Many times I have even finished a post with “feel free to assume I will get up and do such and such if you want to write it in your response, or otherwise do as you please.”

Example 3.

And when she comes to consciousness, she will find herself in the garden. Confused, she will get up, looking for John, who is waiting in the conservatory. When she arrives, John smiles at her and says, “There you are, where have you been?”

This is an example of #3. If you leave the last two sentences off, you’ve completely avoided character control altogether. Sometimes less can be more. Look for your partner's reaction in the next post rather than writing it for them, even if it prematurely ends a scene.

Why do people character control?

The general consensus when I’ve talked to people about it has been that when people post, sometimes they have a very specific scene in their mind, and so they take control of their partner’s character to ensure the scene goes the way they want it. They are incapable of being flexible enough to allow the scene to change and meld to both people’s imaginations. Of course, I have to ask, if you want a specific scene to play out, why not just write a story? Maybe people just like knowing there’s a flesh and blood person on the end reading their story, even if they have no say in what happens...

...But...

Wouldn't you rather explore a world with someone?

If you’re just going to write my reactions for me, you might as well be writing for /r/eroticstories because my opinions become irrelevant.

Quite often, I’ve received a perfectly fabulous response from my partner, only to have the last 2-3 sentences pull a “and then I watch you as you do this”, number. It’s like: If you’d stopped before that, we wouldn’t be having this discussion about character control now.

One of the best replies I got once was a simple

He grinned at her. "Let's go ... Ready when you are!"

Now, there are circumstances around that. 1. He was super busy at work and 2. we talked outside the RP where he apologised for the short one-liner reply. But honestly? I thought it was great! I was able to run with the scene a little longer, progressing it, and do some more writing. The next reply from him was almost a page long, and a few of mine were shorter, it balanced out in the end, and it’s one of my most loved role plays.

I love a good writer. And there are some AMAZING writers here, better than I could ever hope to be, and I learn from them every day we correspond. But it soon gets boring and frustrating if I lose control of my part of the story. I want to build a scene with you, not get told how it’s going down. I want to explore my feelings and reactions with you. And, as a partner recently said to me:

Actually the more I think about it the more I like it, it's like approaching a girl in real life, not knowing what reaction I'll get. Much more exciting this way :D

I agree too! I’d much rather approach you with some little smile, or a lame one-liner pick up line, and see what your response is to it, than just assume it lands home and you’re instantly in love with me. I’m up to the challenge! I hope you are too.

My best friend recently said to me:

It’s like I picked up your barbie doll mid-game and started playing with it, and you get no say in what I’m doing.

EXACTLY

So maybe use that, keep the idea in the back of your mind when you write. Think about whether what you’re writing is your character’s thoughts, feelings and reactions, or whether you’ve just reached across, plucked my barbie out of my hands and are now prancing her around the room according to your own desires. It is far more sexy to get the opportunity to interact, maybe throw a few curveballs, even do something completely unexpected! Because life is unpredictable, have some fun with it. Let go of the control a little ;)

The biggest lesson I’ve learned

Everyone has different needs. If I’ve learned nothing else, it’s that I probably need to be clearer in my expectations on levels of control within replies. What suits me, may not suit someone else, and assuming everyone wants to interact on the same level as I do, well, apparently it’s folly! I hope I've managed to at least touch on some interesting points for people to think about.

I guess at the end of the day it's just one more thing to add to the “setting up a scene” or “writing up a prompt” process…how do you want your interactions to go down? Be clear, be honest, and don't be afraid to let someone know if they're taking control when they shouldn't :)

If you're someone who tends to write for your partner, learn to be flexible, don’t be afraid to let the scene progress in a way you weren’t expecting, that is half the fun! And don't be afraid to let your partner take the reins once in a while either :) The story is still going to get told, and might end up being better than what you thought!

Now...

picks up her barbie and wanders off in search of fun

PS. This post isn't aimed at anyone in particular. If we've had this discussion already then it's done and dusted, I'm not looking to rub anyone's noses in things. But it is something that I have come up a lot, enough that I've wanted to write about it for some time. So please, take it in the spirit it's intended - to challenge you to think about what your RP style is, and contemplate how you interact with your writing partners. I might be wrong, that's okay too - this is about how I like to do things. If it's served as nothing more than to cause you to say "actually you're full of shit I'm happy how I'm doing things" then my work here is done. Thanks for reading.

Edited to Add: Very recently there was this awesome meta by /u/AnyKink . It's short, but really does put a lot of what I'm trying to say into a very simple clarity.

For the record (in case you're freaking out about RPing with me after reading this) I'm generally good with the Sympathetic character control - anything else can be negotiated.