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It didn't take long to fall in love with her. She fun was smart, funny, thoughtful and caring. Most of all, she was the hottest girl I've ever seen, much less went out with. We've barely dated for a few weeks and I already couldn't imagine my future without her.
Which is why I got extremely nervous when she sat me down and said we needed to talk. I had noticed some signs of jealousy on her side, a small red flag I was happy to ignore because of all the huge green flags, but I was not ready for what she was about to request. As it turns out, it's not just other people she has issues with.
Masturbation is cheating, she explained with absolute conviction in her voice. If I jerk off, it's the same as if I slept with someone else. So if I want to date her, I have to promise never to masturbate. All my pleasure has to come from her. That already sounded like a lot to ask and I wasn't sure what to reply, but she kept on talking. She's had this same talk with other men, she said. They all promised not to masturbate. And they were all liars, every single one of them, who ended up cheating on her with their hands.
Which is why - and here, she reached into her bag and took out a strange metal contraption - I will have to wear this to continue dating her. I shouldn't worry, though, she said. She will unlock it all the time. She promises.
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