As the title suggest, I am currently in a "dead bedroom" situation and in desperate need of help, release, relief, and distraction.

Some backstory: I have been with my spouse for nearly a decade. My wife is an absolutely wonderful person and I love her more than anything. She is kind, funny, loving and supportive. She is the type of person with whom I can just truly be myself and we share so many inside jokes and life quirks that I absolutely adore. It's the kind of life I could never have with anyone else, and it's fantastic. I wouldn't be who I am today nor have the life that I do if it wasn't for her, and it means the world to me.

That being said, our sex life is absolutely abysmal.

We had been having problems for a long while. Any time I even tried to discuss sex or ask about her fantasies so I could at least do something for her, she would completely shut down, oftentimes coming to tears and having a full-blown panic attack. We both knew that this was definitely not normal or healthy, and after delving a bit more into the psychology and some therapy, my wife came out of it medically diagnosed with several severe flavors of anxiety and ADHD. We also learned that a side-effect of her specific types of anxiety are - drumroll - a drastically lowered sex drive due to the way that her mind is wired.

We figured that this would be alright, since now we knew what was at the root of the issue and she was on medication. But our sex life was still just as bad as ever.

That was when the real bombshell dropped.

After seveal more months in therapy, my wife realized she was asexual. Specifically, she is still attracted physically to me (and to men in general), but does not experience sexual arousal. Her mind chemically does not make a connection between attraction and arousal, and so her sex drive is not just low, it is for all intents and purposes non-existent. She doesn't feel a need or desire for sex, and often cannot even distunguish when I am attempting to flirt or make hints that I am in the mood, meaning that instead of doing something romantic and playful, I have to just directly tell her, "I want to have sex tonight," so that she knows what I am aksing and so that she can literally mentally prepare for it and avoid an asexual/ADHD panic attack in the moment. This then makes me actually less aroused as a result while she just lies there in bed while I'm tring to make it as enjoyable as possible for both of us.

If I've vented on about this far too much, it's simply because I am so tired and so frustrated. I'm not the sort who would ever claim to be "entitled" to sex from your partner, but at the end of the day I'm just so sick and tired of not getting anything. Of feeling like my needs don't matter. Of being ignored and blue-balled again and again and again. Of constantly bending over backwards to accomodate her, while she puts in no effort whatsoever to even pretend like my sexual needs are important to her.

I'm at the end of my rope here.

So in a nutshell, that's why I'm here on DPP today, opening up completely honestly for the first time. Rather than my usual roleplay ideas for various fantasy scenarious, this is the real me: broken, tired, and frustrated beyond belief.

I really do need a Dirty Pen Pal. A true friend here, someoen to talk to, to forge a lasting bond with, to keep in contact with, to discuss our kinks and fantasies, to roleplay and explore, and just to be friends and talk like people. I need a connection and some relief. Please.

Thanks for reading.