Since I was a young man, I knew that getting married, settling down, having children, was not for me.

But I was still a man, into women. When it came to sex, I mean.

For reasons I don't need to go into, I couldn't really HAVE a high school girlfriend.

I wasn't even into high school girls. I dreamed of older women.

Then I moved out of home, had my first girlfriend. I dreamed more and more. About her. About other things.

I watched a little porn, read some stories. Some comics.

That first girlfriend loved CNC. I found other girls who did.

It took me a while to get on board with that. To find the right way to play that kind of character, and enjoy myself.

Now, when I watch porn, I sometimes dream those nice ladies were with me. And were a little more hesitant. Just for fun, of course.

Along the way, I have had girlfriend, play-partners, writing partners. I have learned how to enjoy the company of women. Not all woman, of course, no man needs more than a few.

I was never really into the whole dating thing. Seemed so much about keeping up appearances. I wanted to hang out with women because I enjoyed their company, not as a trophy.

I've done a lot along the way. I learned how to watch porn. How to watch it, and REALLY enjoy it. I kept waiting for the brain rot to set in, or for it to ruin my life, or make it impossible to enjoy sex. It was supposed to make me hate women, or see them as only objects, or focus on just one type. but all it did was show me more of what I already knew - that women come in all shapes and sizes, and personalities that don't always fit their bodies in ways the stereotypes did not always agree with.

All it really did was entertain me, and give me inspiration, for the women I got to actually meet, online or off.

Of course, I didn't just take it all as reality. I used my judgement, and treated each woman like people, even if she wanted to be my Pet, or my Slave, or Underling, or Master.

It's all make believe after all, and that always works better when you take it just seriously enough.

I've done so much along the way. There was the woman who let me tie her up and blindfold her and drip hot wax on her naked body, for hours. She moaned about it a lot, but never asked me to stop, so I must have been doing something right.

Not too long ago, I started taking my Medicine, and that helped me really sort out a few issues, get my head on straighter. I feel straighter than ever now.

These days, I kind of just live my own life, physically alone, in my apartment, most of the time. But all my toys and comics are here, and it is well stocked, with 'consumables'.

I have felt more alone while inside a woman, in the middle of a one night stand, than I have writing sweet nothings and absolutely filthy musings to a woman behind another keyboard.

That's why, as much as I like sex, I never bothered with one night stands after that first one.

Some morning, I wake up, and lay in bed, Day-Dreaming, about a woman that does not really exist, but feels like several all in one. She is based a little on past girlfriends, or lovers, A little on Penpals, former and present, and a little on the women I see in porn. I don't dream that much about women I have not known intimately, or who do not take their clothes off and play slutty make believe for a living. Not because I CAN'T get excited over public figures who keep their clothes on.

It just feels a little tacky. Like a cheap, truly dirty way to get what I need, using the dreams of women who would probably be mortified if they only knew.

Reach out to me, if you like. We can chat, or get to know each other. We might just have a few things to say to each other. Or we might want to make it more long term. If all goes well, we WILL keep in touch. And you will start to feed my dreams. Maybe you will even become more and more of an obsession to me. Love often tends to manifest in that way.

Drop me a line, if you are a woman, and you think we might enjoy each others company. Tell me your own life story. Or explain what you love about your favourite kink. Or what you are reading right now.

You can disapprove of my lifestyle too, if you want. I don't mind hearing from 'haters'. You can even make a 'bratty' thing out of it, if you are one of those women who does not know what she wants, but likes to be demanding toward the men who try to give it to her.

If you choose to engage with me, I will match your tone, and play along. Let's fuck around and find out, about each other, about 'us'. Together. Apart. It all tastes the same, if you have the right mindset.