As an awkward, shy college student, having a girlfriend is a new experience for me. As such, so too is the idea that there’s someone out there who will soon have regularly seen me naked, and who knows the details of my penis and sexual capabilities.

Over my many years of playing video games, I know the experience where a girlfriend walks into a guy’s room while he’s playing with the guys and someone makes a random joke about his manhood. Where the girlfriend laughs and the playful charged banter with her boyfriend in response reveals nothing, but hints at some kind of inside joke about his penis between the two of them, perhaps a secret she’s generously keeping on his behalf to protect him and perhaps a subtle reassurance that he has nothing to worry about.

That my girlfriend will soon find out the details of my penis is nerve-wracking and exciting to wrap my arms around since our dicks are ordinarily the most private part of who we are. But the intimacy of knowing each other’s naked vulnerability is really exciting. It’s a bond between partners, and also a set of secrets, and, well, it’s just really exciting to think about.

It might forever change how she sees or judges me. And it’s all the more intense that so much of our egos are wrapped up in them, and having a girlfriend can be such a fleeting thing. She’s been with other guys and knows about theirs’, and it’s possible that we’d break up someday and she’d have the powerful ammo of that knowledge about me. Will she always keep my secret? Will she tell her friends? Will she use it against me if we break up? Will she use it to brag about me? Will it be the source of intimate jokes between us? What will she say if some dummy on a video game insults my manhood while she’s in the room? How do I compare to her exes? And on and on. I am the boyfriend penis, and for girls who otherwise don’t get to see or know about our penises, I’m hella curious what they think about it.

Are my curiosities absurd? Am I thinking about this in an all-wrong, male, penis-obsessed way? Or is there something there? What have your boyfriends’ penises been like? Do you even remember? Did you ever talk with them about it? And did you ever compare them mentally to your exes? How did they perform? And did you keep their secret? Did you ever tell anyone their size, either while you were dating or after? Did you ever use the topic against them, to hurt them ever or playfully embarrass them? Or to stoke their ego and compliment them?

Basically my prompt is this: I've heard the term batted around the internet: "boyfriend penis", so what does the boyfriend penis mean to you? How do you handle being entrusted with that part of him, and what should I expect from my girlfriend? Do girls have different expectations when it comes to their significant other as opposed to a hookup? What will be shared with her friends, and how will she view me differently based on it?