I’ve always been kinky from a young age; the dirtier, the better. It took me a long time to accept, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that my sexuality has also always been very fluid. I was always into rougher sex, probably from the porn I found at an early age. For most of my life, I had a hard time with girls; I’ve always been weird and nerdy. Before I made peace with it, it always left me feeling drawn and awkward.

After high school, I met someone. I was with my first girlfriend for over a year. Right off the bat, our sex life was pretty active, considering I was eighteen and always horny. As the months went on, things got weird and distant because I was going to school. One night, her best friend called me, and I could hear my girlfriend moaning in the background. Her best friend told me that she had guys coming over nightly, and that she was currently cheating on me. She then turned the camera around to show me, then quickly hung up.

In my mind, I knew the correct reaction was to get mad, and I think at first, I did. I realized I was turned on by what I saw, but I rejected that at first. I even confronted her. She cried, apologized, and promised to stop it right away if I’d stay with her. It was my first relationship, so I did, unfortunately. We got back together after a few weeks of her nightly begging. She blew me a lot before the break, but when we got back together, she was not wanting to and making excuses. I accepted it, but one night she asked, “Would you do it to me?” I was inexperienced and hadn’t performed oral, but I had watched a lot of porn, and it turned out I was a natural. She slipped up after I finished and said, “That was better than you fucking me.” After that, almost every time I came over, she begged me to eat her out. I started noticing how hard it made me, and one time I tried something I had seen in a video. I slipped my tongue into her ass. She moaned really loud, then out of nowhere pushed me away and got all quiet. I asked her why, and finally, she broke down, telling me that she was still hooking up with a guy and he fucked her ass. I got up to go away, but she got on her knees in front of me and started blowing me for the first time in weeks, begging me to stay. I don’t know where it came from, but I asked if she had videos of them together. She handed me her phone. He was huge, muscular, and well-hung—everything I knew I wasn’t. I got hornier and hornier and put her on the bed, eating her pussy then her ass. I jerked hard as I did it. I bent her over and forced my cock into her ass, fucking her rougher than I ever had before. I pulled out and came on her. Afterwards, I got angry again, probably out of embarrassment, and broke up with her.

When I was single after that, I thought about that memory a lot. I always felt shame afterwards. It was a few years until I was in a relationship again. I had a couple of long-distance ones, a few where we talked about my interest in watching. Then one summer, I met a girl. We ended up moving in together. We had pretty good communication about fetishes. We almost played out the fantasy on a few occasions, but she was shy so we did not. When she first moved in with us, we were planning to save up money and move out together. It took longer than we hoped. She was having a hard time finding a job, and I had to work nights. After a few weeks she got pissed about not being able to wear her normal tshirt and panties around the house and decided to just decided to wear it after he went to bed. When she went to refill her water bottle one night she came running in all blushy and said he was staring at her while she was bent over using the britta. About a month in he started making flirty comments around her about her and at her. At first she’d eye roll or tell him to knock it off. One of them was about her needing to “cover her cheeks” I felt bad for her and he said he’d “ease up” on her. In the meantime our sex life got kind of strained. I would come home very late and start work mid afternoon. I started noticing that she wasn’t reacting as shocked by his comments which only seemed to ramp up. Over time he started to get more and more brazen in front of me. I noticed lingering touches from him. And noticed her seeming to lean in. One night she made a comment when we were going to watch a movie and it looked already watched I said something to the effect of l”ooks like you already watched that” she responded “yeah your dad had it on but I was on my phone most of it” I was surprised throughout the movie that she seemed to be seeing it all for the first time. Looking back that was a sign. I was still thinking she was just being flirty or dealing with my dad since his teasing of any kind is just relentless. One night I was working and she said she forgot her towel in the room and that he was watching TV in the living room shed have to walk through I said that I’d be home soon and I’d bring it to her. My work got busy and it looked like I was stuck there a bit longer. She said she’d throw her shirt on and dry when she got there. By the time I checked it had been a while. When I got home she texted me she was putting lotion on and reading so I sat down by my dad to watch tv while she did her thing. When I got up I noticed that my grey sweat shirt was very wet and headed up to hang it up and headed up she was in the bathroom I opened our laundry basket her sleeping panties caught my eye they looked very wet I took them so that that they wouldn’t make every thing else wet and noticed they were sticky. I knew instantly it was cum. And putting things together I confronted her. She told me it had been going on with him for a while and that she didn’t plan to stop. I slept on the couch that night too angry to talk to my dad or her. In the middle of the night I woke to find that she was serious and they were fucking in his room I found myself horny and conflicted I finally allowed myself to cum to it and they were still going that made me horny again. That very fact embarrassed me. I allowed it to continue feeling too embarrassed to say anything.. I eventually yelled at him when the three of us were drinking one night. He basically just started grabbing her ass and asked what I was going to do about it he ended up fucking her as I left the room and came back in several times. I ended up moving out but not after hearing them almost nightly for a month.

After that, I met someone long distance and moved across the country to be with her. She enjoyed my fetish quite a bit. She liked to go clubbing when I was working nights and would either send me updates, stories, or, on very rare occasions, videos on Snapchat. She even had a regular but refused to tell him the situation because she knew he liked her and thought he’d stop. I told her she could bring over a hookup and fuck him in front of me. She told me she cared too much to bring them to the house. But she took a long time to get a job, and I was paying all the bills, and my job was taking a serious toll on me, and I missed my family back home. Plus, we had different goals in life, namely, I didn’t want children but she did. After a fight, I asked for a break. I didn’t intend to move back at the time.

One night I got home late from work, and she had been out drinking. I thought she was still out. The front door was unlocked. The bedroom door opened as I walked in. She and a guy were standing in the doorway; he hurried to the bathroom. I kind of stared blankly at her. I thought my fantasy was coming true in part of my mind; the other part remembered what she had said about respect. As he stepped out, she introduced me as her brother. He half-heartedly, awkwardly shook my hand. He was obviously very drunk because he stumbled back into the room, and she pushed the door shut. I heard her coaxing him, trying to convince him that I couldn’t hear. I tried to shake off the jitters I had. I laid on the couch of the apartment where I had been sleeping lately and turned the TV on, but quickly muted it as I heard the sounds of them fucking; it went on for like 20 minutes, much longer than I ever lasted. He came out of the room into the kitchen and started looking through the fridge. She joined him soon after, telling him I was definitely passed out. He helped himself to one of my sodas. And within minutes, she started sucking his dick. I could hear the noises as they dirty-talked back and forth. And then I heard her say how much she loved his cock and then how much she loved him. In that moment, I was hit with so many feelings, but very much too embarrassed to confront anyone about it. They went back in the room, and it went silent after about an hour. I came on myself at least once in that time. He left early. She stumbled out and yelled at me, blaming me for having to find him. She then, laughing, straddled my face; she was dripping cum. I got hard and didn’t even notice myself start stroking. She sat on my face, and I instinctively started licking her pussy and her ass. We both came simultaneously. She noticed as I came and started making fun of me because I ate her ass. Months later, she moved in with him, eventually admitting she was pregnant with his child.

I lived alone there for a while before eventually moving back home. In that time I had a few hookups, one of them said to my face that she got fucked a lot, but my thick cock still felt good. The fact she was such a proud slut turned me on, and when I ate her ass, she came hard. She told me I was the best at eating ass. I think that's when I finally accepted that I was good with my tongue and average with my average cock, and most of all, a good cuck. After her, I even had a girl who used to come over just to have her ass eaten after her hookups. I loved it.. my cuck fantasizes have gotten dirtier. I’ve come to love the idea of a corrupting best friend tempting my girl to cheat and rubbing it all in my face. Someone truly manly taking my place showing me how a real man gives it to a female. Maybe including me for clean up or fluffing…I know average as lover but I’ve come to embrace the idea of someone better forcing me to accept my place as dirty little cuck.