I’ve always been kinky from a young age; the dirtier, the better. It took me a long time to accept, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve found that my sexuality has also always been very fluid. I was always into rougher sex, probably from the porn I found at an early age. For most of my life, I had a hard time with girls; I’ve always been weird and nerdy. Before I made peace with it, it always left me feeling drawn and awkward.

After high school, I met someone. I was with my first girlfriend for over a year. Right off the bat, our sex life was pretty active, considering I was eighteen and always horny. As the months went on, things got weird and distant because I was going to school. One night, her best friend called me, and I could hear my girlfriend moaning in the background. Her best friend told me that she had guys coming over nightly, and that she was currently cheating on me. She then turned the camera around to show me, then quickly hung up.

In my mind, I knew the correct reaction was to get mad, and I think at first, I did. I realized I was turned on by what I saw, but I rejected that at first. I even confronted her. She cried, apologized, and promised to stop it right away if I’d stay with her. It was my first relationship, so I did, unfortunately. We got back together after a few weeks of her nightly begging. She blew me a lot before the break, but when we got back together, she was not wanting to and making excuses. I accepted it, but one night she asked, “Would you do it to me?” I was inexperienced and hadn’t performed oral, but I had watched a lot of porn, and it turned out I was a natural. She slipped up after I finished and said, “That was better than you fucking me.” After that, almost every time I came over, she begged me to eat her out. I started noticing how hard it made me, and one time I tried something I had seen in a video. I slipped my tongue into her ass. She moaned really loud, then out of nowhere pushed me away and got all quiet. I asked her why, and finally, she broke down, telling me that she was still hooking up with a guy and he fucked her ass. I got up to go away, but she got on her knees in front of me and started blowing me for the first time in weeks, begging me to stay. I don’t know where it came from, but I asked if she had videos of them together. She handed me her phone. He was huge, muscular, and well-hung—everything I knew I wasn’t. I got hornier and hornier and put her on the bed, eating her pussy then her ass. I jerked hard as I did it. I bent her over and forced my cock into her ass, fucking her rougher than I ever had before. I pulled out and came on her. Afterwards, I got angry again, probably out of embarrassment, and broke up with her.

When I was single after that, I thought about that memory a lot. I always felt shame afterwards. It was a few years until I was in a relationship again. I had a couple of long-distance ones, a few where we talked about my interest in watching. Then one summer, I met a girl. We ended up moving in together. We had pretty good communication about fetishes. We almost played out the fantasy on a few occasions, but she was shy so we did not. She moved in with me and my dad. I’ve recently posted about this experience. Long story short, she basically hooked up with him when I was at work and left me for him.

After that, I met someone long distance and moved across the country to be with her. She enjoyed my fetish quite a bit. She liked to go clubbing when I was working nights and would either send me updates, stories, or, on very rare occasions, videos on Snapchat. She even had a regular but refused to tell him the situation because she knew he liked her and thought he’d stop. I told her she could bring over a hookup and fuck him in front of me. She told me she cared too much to bring them to the house. But she took a long time to get a job, and I was paying all the bills, and my job was taking a serious toll on me, and I missed my family back home. Plus, we had different goals in life, namely, I didn’t want children but she did. After a fight, I asked for a break. I didn’t intend to move back at the time.

One night I got home late from work, and she had been out drinking. I thought she was still out. The front door was unlocked. The bedroom door opened as I walked in. She and a guy were standing in the doorway; he hurried to the bathroom. I kind of stared blankly at her. I thought my fantasy was coming true in part of my mind; the other part remembered what she had said about respect. As he stepped out, she introduced me as her brother. He half-heartedly, awkwardly shook my hand. He was obviously very drunk because he stumbled back into the room, and she pushed the door shut. I heard her coaxing him, trying to convince him that I couldn’t hear. I tried to shake off the jitters I had. I laid on the couch of the apartment where I had been sleeping lately and turned the TV on, but quickly muted it as I heard the sounds of them fucking; it went on for like 20 minutes, much longer than I ever lasted. He came out of the room into the kitchen and started looking through the fridge. She joined him soon after, telling him I was definitely passed out. He helped himself to one of my sodas. And within minutes, she started sucking his dick. I could hear the noises as they dirty-talked back and forth. And then I heard her say how much she loved his cock and then how much she loved him. In that moment, I was hit with so many feelings, but very much too embarrassed to confront anyone about it. They went back in the room, and it went silent after about an hour. I came on myself at least once in that time. He left early. She stumbled out and yelled at me, blaming me for having to find him. She then, laughing, straddled my face; she was dripping cum. I got hard and didn’t even notice myself start stroking. She sat on my face, and I instinctively started licking her pussy and her ass. We both came simultaneously. She noticed as I came and started making fun of me because I ate her ass. Months later, she moved in with him, eventually admitting she was pregnant with his child.

I lived alone there for a while before eventually moving back home. In that time I had a few hookups, one of them said to my face that she got fucked a lot, but my thick cock still felt good. The fact she was such a proud slut turned me on, and when I ate her ass, she came hard. She told me I was the best at eating ass. I think that's when I finally accepted that I was good with my tongue and average with my average cock, and most of all, a good cuck. After her, I even had a girl who used to come over just to have her ass eaten after her hookups. I loved it.

When I went home, I reverted to my dominant side for a long time. I got very into BDSM, but lately, the other side has come back, and I've accepted that as part of myself. My switch nature has become a significant part of my identity as a well-rounded kinky individual. No one in my daily life knows that behind the everyday nerd, there is a dirty little cuck…