Size issues

My wife and I have been together for 15years. For a long time sex was the same: I gave her oral for a while, sex until I felt like I'd cum then more oral etc etc. She never really seemed to let go and have fun, and she never had an orgasm unless she used a vibe at the same time.

I suppose I always wondered if she would want bigger (I'm about 5in and not very girthy) so I introduced dildos. She had a vaginal orgasm for the first time with a 7in one and told me she never knew size mattered that much, but told me it felt amazing. Since then the dildos have got bigger and her go-to dildo is a 10in Shane Diesel. We also have penis sleeves, which I wear every time we have sex. The dildo is also used every time.

About a year ago she admitted to fantasising about having sex with a very well endowed man, whilst I sit on a chair and watch. She's been very categoric by saying in her fantasy I do not join in. She told me the dildos put the idea in her head, and tells me she has never been with a man with a very big penis (she had had two sexual partners before me). However, since telling me the fantasy she not revealed any more and just does it privately or watched porn as I use them on her. I know she is fantasising at times but can't understand how after telling me she does it that she now keeps it to herself.

More recently she also told me my penis is small and she didn't realise how frustrated she was until she was penetrated by larger dildos. She was very casual about telling me and told me I must have always known and that's why I bought her big dildos (in fact she bought the biggest - a 13in Bam). I've asked her if she actually wants a bigger man but she says she doesn't. However, it's now not even hidden that she is into very big and how I'm not big enough for her. I can't help but wonder if she is saying no to other men because she suspects I'd be offended, when in fact she might want to or is slowly getting me used to the idea. I really don't know.

I know she wasn't really into sex and told me she was bored. I know now that she seems to need large (and hard and very fast) to have vaginal orgasms - the dildos and sleeves are evidence of that - and she revealed my penis is too small for her to get much. But she's more into it now after all this. I have told her the penis size thing hurt and now she is saying she wishes she didn't say it, but she did and she meant it. It's now been said and can't be unsaid. I really don't know what it all means but it has left me knowing she needs more than I have, as well as obviously fantasising about having sex with a very big man.

None of this is some stupid fetish. It's all real and I just don't know how to process it. My wife doesn't talk about and starts arguing if I try and talk about it, so I'm just left with the experience along with her 'reget' saying it. What do you think of the situation?

p s. I know she has never been unfaithful and she tells me she wouldn't