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just cried in class
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im in 11th grade and cried in class, discreetly thanks to lovely covid masks. idk what exactly happened to me because i rarely ever cry, but the reason was because my blood sugars were over the roof. before lunch my levels were 280 and i took my shot at the nurse's as usual. i unexpectedly also bought iced tea and drank it after my sandwiches which is why i spiked above 350.

i don't usually cry because of this stupid condition but at this moment i felt so weak. i checked my sugars in class, went to the nurse for a correction and talked to her about how my a1c stays around 8 and how that can cause organ damage etc. i was already aware of this but have been ignorant lately, but it really hit me this time. i talked to her about how i get so anxious and worried when i think about my condition and the complications it can cause. i don't wanna be on a death bed. i also try and distract myself from T1D as much as i can but today again i was questioning why it had to be me to suffer this bullshit. why do i have to be at risk of organ damage and not my friends?? it's so unfair how others in my grade don't have to worry about their dead fucking pancreas while here i am feeling like shit. i was trying to hide my tears in our last lesson and at the end my teacher even asked me why im crying. thankfully nobody else noticed, but when she asked me what's wrong, i teared up even more, nodded my head and left. she understood i didn't wanna talk about it. i did, but at that time i just couldn't. i'm on my way home now and still feel so anxious and just wanna burst into tears. why did i have to be chosen to deal with this shit and it's future complications. i'm so fucking fed up. im 16 now, was diagnosed a month after my 14th birthday. i do feel like this condition has stolen part of my childhood from me. i just need to vent our right now.

this wasn't even the first time my sugars go so high, it happens few times in two weeks and i never react this way. it's just that it really hit me when the nurse said that organ damage in type 1 diabetics is slow and unnoticed. that's fucking scary man. being reminded of it made me so damn anxious and i just.. couldn't keep my composure during class. i keep telling myself that im a strong bitch, because i am. i literally never cry or let things get to me, but today was different. all i want is to live a happy and healthy life.

the nurse did advice me to take more care of my diet and food choices and i agree with her. i just need to take my condition more seriously no matter what. school stress plus t1d stress is just too much to handle. i feel so overwhelmed right now because i have so much fucking work to do.

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2 years ago