I realized a while ago that I transitioned almost completely bc i didn’t want attention from males as a lesbian. Even 4 months off t i still look masc enough not to get straight men chasing me but I’m terrified for the day I do... it makes me want to die.

It’s so ironic that in trying to hide from creepy men’s attention, i “became” a creepy man and everyone started hating me. I have horrible social anxiety and probably a little autism, and it gave off “weird autistic guy” vibes and no one (especially women) wanted to befriend me.

It’s so ironic that I transitioned to get away from a physically abusive relationship and sexual harassment from guys but everyone thinks I’m a weird potentially dangerous guy and I get 0 empathy or support.

I got close to a couple people but they all abandoned me. I told one girl I was kinda close to, that I stopped t but she still apparently thinks I’m too weird (and honestly I don’t think she would if I was cis female passing). I’m really sad bc I relate with her a lot and she’s a really cute butch lesbian I would’ve had a chance with if I didn’t look like a guy.

I never really got to become proud of being a lesbian or make lesbian friends and I regret that so much. Now I feel like a fake lesbian creeping on actual lesbians, and it’s imprinted in everyone I know currently that I’m a “creepy guy” so they def will never see me as a lesbian. Even before I started t I felt so scared to make other women uncomfortable, even lesbian women I was dating at the time..

I HATE how much of an effect gender makes on how people see you. My whole life as an autistic socially anxious girl, I was never “disliked” so much and now I have absolutely no community to fall back on, I feel like a complete outcast of both men and women.