I’m ftm and have been since I was 13. I’m now nearly 20 within the next month. I used to feel strongly against my chest and it only got worse throughout the years. I got top surgery and it feels completely natural to me to have a flat chest. Same thing with my deep voice and extra masculine features.

But the thing is that I don’t want to change my genitals and the thought of periods and pregnancy doesn’t make me ill like it used to. I’m off testosterone because I don’t want to deal with the shots or gel anymore.

I feel like I’m in a limbo of what I want. Ideally, I wish I could switch my body from fully female one day to fully male the next and then be able to switch back to female after all depending on what I want.

I’ve always been a transmedicalist. So I never believed in the non-binary and gender fluid crap. I just wish my mind could pick one gender/sex it wants to be and stick with it.