dreading my birthday

I turn 26 in about 15 minutes. I hate my birthday. It just reminds me how shitty I am and how little I've accomplished in my life. It makes me feel guilty for friends and family who have died. They would love to be here and I'm just wasting time here. I would have gladly switched places if that was a choice. I'm so tired of being useless. I have no job no job prospects or relationship to speak of and never had. I'm trying to get a job, but I feel so paralyzed even trying to talk to people. I feel like throwing up interacting with people and have no experience so people don't want to hire me. It just feels so hopeless most of the time. I want to do better I just can't seem to get my feet under me. I keep failing in the most basic of human tasks.

I told myself I'd wait till 30 or until my grandparents die before I seriously think about killing myself. I don't want to and I'm going to try my best to not get there. If anybody reads this can you please give me some advice on how to get out of this shitty situation I've made for myself. I have to swallow my pride tomorrow and apply for social assistance so that I can make it through the next couple of month until I can hopefully find a job. Fuck I hate myself.

Sorry if this is just a self pity rant, but damn do i hate my birthday.