Hello. I am new here (25f), and not to bother anyone with my story, I will get to straight to what worries me.

I was sent by my teachers to councelors and therapists when I was a teenager. With each visit and each counselor, I felt like I could not open up. I now know it was fear of retaliation from my disapproving mother. She refused to believe there was something wrong with me and would scorn me when I felt my worst.

But even more intimidating was the way I saw the counselors approach me. Only one was friendly, from all else I got this vibe where it seemed like they would rather not listen to me. For this reason I have never ever spoke out everything that troubles me in full detail. The vibe I felt I gave back, only providing them with bare minimum. To this day, Im still afraid to go seek professional help. Not only will I have to pay the money I cannot afford to put aside, but I know that I will get mad if I get this same vibe again and my money goes to waste and I make no progress.

How can I get over this? Where do I start? Has anyone experienced anything similar to this? I am desperate.