I've tried lots of things but when it comes down to it, at the end of the day the same exact thoughts come rushing back in. How ill never succeed, nobody will ever love me, people are only around me cause of the things I do for them, etc...

I feel worthless... I see other people happy, living life to the fullest with friends and loved ones. With 8 billion people in this world, why am I so alone?

I've gotten to the point where ill just shut down mid conversation, afraid that I'm embarrassing myself and making the other person uncomfortable, and it sickens me that I do that.

Im afraid that my depression and constant loneliness will eventually get the better of me. I try to connect to others as often as I can but for some reason, more times than not, I catch an awkward feeling coming from the other person and then the conversation slowly dies... I want to heal so badly but what if I can't do it without other people's help, and much scarier, nobody is willing to help me?