I 20(M) is lost is stuck is confused. I don't know what to do with my life anymore u think about ending it. Death may be a permanent solution to tempary problems but I don't wanna deal with these problems. I have no one to talk to I am in the miltary all the way in japan I had gf out here I thought I would marry but I lost her. I never thought I would make it this far in life but my goal for joining was to explore japan get to live my dream and then kill myself. I don't have a purpose I am not able to do my job I have no one around me that cares for me I can't talk to my family nor friends and I genuinely think this is the end of the road. I would always try to think about the future and be positive about it so I can have something to look forward to but now that I am here I wanna stop imagining the future I wanna stop having hope. Having hope gave me nothing but pain. Why do I still cling on I have no cule. I wanna become the bad guy break people and make them feel my pain. But that's not ok with me. So I am sorry for the people I have hurt I am sorry for the people I will hurt when I end it I am sorry for not being enough and not staying strong enough. Maybe someone out there can change my mind.

Thank you