Ive basically been depressed since I was 10, im now 33. I have always used relationships and friends to cope with this while growing up (didnt really learn a lot of this until i got much older). After highschool I have not had a relationship, and as my friends have all moved on to being busy with careers, family, and having kids, I have been really pushed to the side and have lacked that coping device for some time. My depression has only managed to get worse over the years, and finding any form of romantic partner, or even temporary physical interaction has been impossible, if not more damaging then anything. As I have learned that no matter what I seem completely undatable by pretty much all women I come across, and dating services have only reinforced that negative feeling. I have basically no strong connections left to anyone, my attempts to find friends around my age who are at similar stages in life has proven very difficult and often these to fade away quickly. Ive been on dozens of different meds in various combinations, all antidepressants seem to do is effect how tired i feel in various degrees, even tried different prescribers to get different takes and they all do the same stuff over and over despite me saying that it doesnt work at all. Therapy is basically a joke, i don't know if I am just to smart for my own good or if these therapists just think that they can make me think happy thoughts with no basis, and again dont ever seem to listen to me explain that its not working. Its hard for me to find anything positive about myself, and I basically lack any outsode support. I mean 16 years with no compliments, no one wanting to be around me, and nothing positive aimed towards me. Everyone gives the same advice, i have to be happy with myself, but ive tried and tried and tried, and it just doesnt work, at this point feels impossible. I really feel like i have run out of options, and i have no idea what to do. Nothing anyone has ever suggested, professional or not, has even remotely worked, and actually i often just feel worse or end up alienating people. I post on social media, good and bad things, and I get no responses, feels like people have given up on me, and I honestly don't even blame them, im sure all my complaining and negativity has become annoying. Every day feels worse and worse and i just don't know how much longer i can last.