It’s dying. Drugs are temporary and cost money and hard to get in most places. Birthday’s are only for a day. Holidays are only for a day. Death is forever. At least I think so anyway. I mediate I go to sleep early. I go outside and touch grass. It’s clear to me that after everything I’ve done this year therapy, exercising, drinking, partying, running, walking, drawing and writing. Watching tv playing video games there’s nothing I enjoy nothing that can make me happy. I’m ready to die. I’ve traveled to New York. I went on a road trip stopped at a lot of states. I’ve been on a cruise to shit I can’t even remember. I’m tired of living I’ve done a lot and nothing works nothing makes me happy.