I think if I'm ever going to get better, there are some things I need to accept.

1. Pot and booze are bad for me, even as a means of stress relief.
2. No one wants to date me now. There's nothing I can do about that right now, and I should probably get off dating apps because they keep disappointing me.
3. No one is interested in coming over to watch TV with me. I have no interest in hiking, board game clubs, or anything else requiring the superficial mirth necessary to function in society, but clearly I have to because I have no other choices.
4. If I make it as a writer, it's the only reason anyone will ever like me. People will always prefer the myth over the man, and I may never truly know whether I'm loved for me (and mind you, this is assuming I'm the hot shit I think I am).
5. Talking to people over the phone as a job is draining, and I probably need a different job to preserve my mental health.
6. If I want to quit drinking and smoking, I probably need to depend on strangers who are not my family to keep me strong.
7. I will probably never be able to eat the way I want to ever again due to food sensitivities. I will always be a burden whenever I go out to eat with people. If going out with people means sitting quietly and sipping water while everyone else eats and enjoys themselves, then that's my burden.
8. I will die one day, possibly while young, possibly from something awful like cancer. People will care, and that will hurt me. The universe will not care and does not care (and my country REALLY doesn't care), so I'm responsible for keeping myself alive.
9. Life is not fun. It's not supposed to be fun. It's work. You work, maybe you play, and then you die.

Notes?