It is driving me absolutely insane that I'm in a shit place in life; I can't keep a job, almost nothing is enjoyable anymore, and my financial stress is through the roof. Ive been having a tidal wave of suicidal thoughts for days but for fucks sake I can't bring myself to even attempt because I just can't justify it or put in the fucking effort. If I can't find the energy to fix my life, I can't find the energy to end it either. What the fuck is this.

I think I need more medication. I've tried exercise & diet which felt good but I don't have the discipline to actually stick with it for more than a few days.

I am the cause of all my problems, and I don't know how to form healthy habits or cope with a structured life, and because of that I have no money for cbt which my doctor recommends highly.

Has anyone had success with cbt? Or overcoming this low energy/low motivation bull shit? I'm turning 26 this month and so much of the time I feel hopeless; like if I haven't picked myself up by this point, is it even possible to progress before I just wither away? I mean, nearly turning 30 isn't it all just downhill from here?