I remember when I was a kid in elementary school, this very specific moment. All the other kids were playing on the playground and I sat alone on the wall, thinking I couldn’t join them because I didn’t deserve to. I was just 6 years old but I felt so strong in that conviction and I never knew why.

I was right to feel that way. I’m 22 now and almost all of my closest friends have abandoned me. I spent my whole life going through trauma after trauma and trying to push past it and be happy and bring love and joy to those around me, but still I messed it up and lost everything. I’m not meant to be around people. I didn’t deserve my friends.