I was doing so well, and was finally fucking enjoying life and feeling competent and like an actual fucking person instead of an empty husk. Then there was one fucking instance where someone really hurt me (publicly lied about me to all of our housemates) and now all those years where I was doing better are fucking down the drain. I don't want to exist, I have the mental capacity of a fucking twelve year old. I'm too fucking stupid now to do my school work and i don't even have the energy to so why bother. i had to drop multiple classes and it was fucking ONE moment. Goddammit. I have so many supports but i cant even get myself to do things to take care of myself like sleep well or take my meds regularly because some sick part of me wants to get even worse. so i make shitty stupid decisions because my brain goes "what's the point, you're worthless anyways". I'm empty inside and dont even want to get better, why am i such a fucking failure....