For a lack of a better word.

I have clinical depression and am now getting psychological help now, I take 20mgs of Prozac and have been taking them for almost a month. I am feeling a little better.

There are still bouts of insanity though. I become incredibly dark and terrifying and it is getting tiring to deal with it.

I am a 3rd year science major, 21 years old and I have never felt the touch of another woman. Never dated or kissed a female And now I am losing interest in them, I see nothing but anatomical and psychological features. All with scientific names and understanding how they work.

Saying all that there is one girl that stands out, one person who keeps me sane. Friends with her for 7 or so years. Whenever it gets really bad, suicidal or whatnot, I think of her and all the pain disappears.

Now I asked her out and she said no, I was upset of course but none of that shocking depression people seems to talk about. Perhaps I am just used to the disappointment...

I hate myself to a degree that seems impossible, I used to cut myself or otherwise harm myself to feel something different.

Growing up was interesting.

Abusive parents, Abusive teachers, Abusive system, everywhere I face hardships and problems. Now it is crashing onto me and my grades are suffering.

I cant think straight

But I want to hold her.

Can I have someone to talk to? Be warned, I am incredibly moody and bipolar. Perhaps even schizophrenic.