My life is dull, meaningless and mundane. I'm always bored and tired of this life.

It's been this way for 2 or 3 years now. I tried using school as a way to cope with this since it would occasionally give me a thrill similar to what I'd want, but school is usually boring. Putting expectations makes me feel like crap more often than not. I tried using the "high" of speaking to people as something to get me through my mental illness BS but nope.

There's nothing to look forward to. I feel apathetic and lethargic often.

I would try to push off the suicidal feelings by keeping my loved ones in mind, and in part, school, but honestly, meh. I can't connect with anyone, and I'm done trying that now.

Things are looking bleak and I don't think I have anything I would want to live for anymore.