My friends been dead for 7 years now and I still feel guilty about it. He loved life and I don't and it makes me feel guilty all the time that I'm here and he isn't. He would be doing something with his life unlike me who can barely function and is just overall a loser. I didn't have anything to do with him dying but I'm just wasting my life and it would have been so much better if I was dead and he was alive I think. I truly wish I could have swapped our fates. I've brought this up to my therapists before and they basically just tell me I should be nicer to myself and ny friend wouldn't want me to feel this way. I really don't know how to stop feeling guilty and I want to live a better life so I don't feel ashamed of just surviving. I'm about to graduate college in April and I have 0 job prospects or work experience. I rarely talk to people and am unattractive and overweight. I'm trying to do something about the weight and have lost 50 pounds but I need to lose another 70 at least to get to a decent weight. I don't want to waste my life and disappoint the people who can't be here, but I don't know how to fix this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.