I don't want to feel like this anymore I just feel like an empty shell. Ever since my dad died I feel like a giant part of me is gone and my household is so sad and everyone is always sleeping and my mother wants to live off the benefits from my dad's death and its not enough to keep a steady household. I'm only 16 and I feel like I want to die already I sleep in the same bed he died in because it's the only place I can sleep if I don't find a new way of living I want to take my life. i watch gore videos a lot because I want to imagine myself in the same position these people are in, like I want to know what it feels like to die and I want to be with my dad again I don't know what to do if I stay here i'll be in pain, if I die I think I will feel better but at the cost of my family's mental health going to shit. my mom says she lives for us but it seems like she lives to make my life worse I was scared of dying but now I'm wanting to die I'm just not sure what to do