I almost went through with killing myself last night.

I had a terrible appointment with my psychiatrist, my therapist was barely listening to me, and when I called up my best friend she snapped at me.

When I got home, I felt defeated, hopeless, and tired. I had and still have no where to go and it seems like even when I try to reach out for help anywhere, I get casted aside or someone tells me to get over it because everyone is dealing with the same shit.

I get it. This shit gets worse, especially when the season gets dark and gloomy, but is that supposed to invalidate my own emotions and shit that's been going on in my life?

I don't know what else to do or who to reach out to anymore. I am completely alone, no one gives a shit, and I give up. I give up. I tried my best, I reached out, and I tried.

I am just so tired and I do not want to do this anymore.

You know, my therapist was telling me about perfect worlds and whatnot the other day. All I could think about was that in an actual perfect world, I could have the courage to end my own life without thinking about bullshit ramifications. That's my ideal perfect world.