I’m just venting and getting this out. I’ve been depressed since I was 12 when my brother passed away and my dad became a heavy alcoholic again. I’m 26 now and still fucking deal with it. I went to a psych ward because of how angry I was getting and I tried to go take medicine to kill myself. They put me on Wellbutrin and felt great a week or so after I started it and now I’m back to how miserable I’ve been feeling with shitty anxiety. Not to mention, I’m also being dragged back to the office which makes me want to kill myself even more. I can’t think of anything worse than having to socialize with people in a depressing room with no windows. I am so fucking sick of everything. I don’t even know who I am anymore at the moment. I never get angry or pissed off but my depression has been making me that way. I don’t know what else to do because I have to have a paycheck so my brain just keeps going just kill yourself that’ll solve everything. I’m in this in between where id like to self harm but too scared to actually kill myself so I’m stuck like I always have been. I hate myself for having so many people that support me yet I feel like I don’t deserve that. I also hate telling my mom the truth when she asks if I’m okay. I’m over all of it. The only reason I’m still here is for my girlfriend and family at this point but that’s getting harder to hold onto. Fuck depression.