Today is my birthday and it feels weird every birthday to be another year older. It feels like I shouldn't be here and I'm just wasting my time. My buddy who died several years ago had his birthday at the end of the year as well and it feels really weird to be 25. He died when we were 18 and it makes me feel guilty every year. I'm depressed and do nothing with my life and am seemingly just wasting away my chance. I know if the roles were reversed he wouldn't be wasting his life. He'd be out exploring and having fun and livin life to the best of his abilities. I miss him and my mom who also died when I was 18 a lot around my birthday. I really feel like I'm letting them every year that I don't have my shit together. I really wish I could get myself straightened around so I wouldn't be a disappointment. In conclusion I really fucking hate my birthday.