I've exhausted whatever options were available to me. I won't magically just 'get better'. The only thing I thought that could have a chance of working was therapy / counseling, but I can't afford it and I won't be able to access it for years. There's no insurance or anything like that here. I've tried speaking with people, venting, trying to use self-therapy through CBT / ACT books, trying my best to heal from everything and coping with life, but my view on life isn't going to change through these things. They've helped a lot but the main thing that started my mental health rut is unmoved.

I despise the fact I was born, I hate living in this world, I didn't ask to come here, I don't want to stay here and I don't care about the potential good that is here. I'm only still here because suicide has religious repercussions which are worse than living out life through its suffering. I'm tired of life and just want to go. I don't care about "what can be", when "what is" and "what has been" has been bad enough to justify doing it.

Continuing to live in this state is unsustainable. I guess there's nothing I can do anymore. The end is inevitable like this