Today is one of those days. Things I’ve been avoiding and having to face. Inevitable things. And I just don’t want to live anymore. Things just get harder. I help everyone around me, but I feel like help for me is never going to come. I try to help myself, but how much help can I give when I’m already clutching onto the side of the cliff with all my strength, just hoping someone will show up with some rope before I can’t hold on any longer. These days are starting to build into my life. And it’s painful, and long, and hard. I’m scared all the time of messing up, of failing at picking myself up, at failing to get anything right. I’m scared to try to actually end it all- the statistics aren’t exactly on my side. And all I can keep wishing is that I would have died in that car accident back in June.