Recently, it's become a chore for me to get out of bed in the mornings. I don't find any desire to read or watch movies anymore like I used to. If I do end up cracking open a few pages or sitting down to watch a film, I don't even finish what I start.

My sister made a joke a while ago that I'm like a robot because I had cut all ties with friends just because I could. Maybe I am a robot. I definitely feel like one if I don't even feel a sense of remorse about pushing people away. I don't even have the desire to build or rekindle relationships. I don't see the point.

After my work day is finished, I make a beeline home, and pop a melatonin so the day finishes up quickly. I just want to disappear back into my dream world. Time doesn't exist there and it's okay for me. It just sucks when I hear my alarm blaring into my ears the next day when I just want to curl back into my own world. Why should I wake up, anyway?

Everyone tells me that better things are gonna happen soon, don't give up, you'll get there, blah blah blah. It's all repetitive and I'm honestly done hearing that bullshit. I've gone through group therapy, intensive therapy, and I see my own therapist and I think I'm just done. If anything, I just want someone to listen right now. Maybe someone might tell me something different.

You know, it was way better to make up excuses when I was sad about something, but what happens when I don't feel anything at all?

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Anyway, thanks for reading.