If you where to ask any of my friends or just anyone who knows me, they would all agree I am extremely unlucky. I have had severe bipolar depression, suicidal thoughts and tendencies, PTSD from abuse, and a slew of other problems. I have lost jobs over petty issues from higher ups not liking that I kept myself informed. As well as lost friends for lies from outside sources. I have been sexually assulted by a woman and told that reporting it would be a waste. I've been accused of that and worse. I've been stepped on and manipulated by not only life in general, but by people pretending to be my friend and this government as a whole. I got my life ruined by a trumped up charge when I was younger all because I didn't want to hang out with someone and repeatedly told I would die alone. More recently I once again I my life ruined by charges I can't fight and serious medical issues because of lack of medical help. I will be having to turn myself in on a week where I will be serving some time. I honestly couldn't see any real outcome that was even ok for me... Yet about a year or so ago I met this absolutely amazing woman, she knows how much I care for her and knows I've been talking hard for her. We both been very busy and have found it difficult to see each other, but we always talked. Spending hours sometimes just talking. The best part of my day was when I would hear her voice. I actually thought that after everything I had been through, all the crap the universe dumped on me that I finally was being rewarded. That I finally found someone who cared about me, supported me, and genuinely wanted me in their life. Someone who is not just all those things, but a strong and independent woman who understands what it means to be in a healthy relationship. For 2 days I haven't spoken to her, she had a day off and I know how much she cherishes the money's she can spend with her daughter, so I didn't want to bother her. Today she called and we talked. She had to go to the hospital for dehydration and exhaustion... While there they informed her that she's pregnant, it's with her ex(father of her daughter). Now they weren't together, but honestly that didn't bother me. I know her though and knew what she was about to tell me... Because of this, because she wants a second child and it's VERY difficult for her to have children, she wants to give him a second chance to see maybe they can make things work and see if he can get better... I literally feel heartbroken. I thought maybe my life would get better... I thought maybe I deserved to have a good life... That I deserved to live... I honestly can't take this anymore, I can't do this again... I'm sorry this is so long and completely stupid. I ramble and make no sense. I just don't know... I really want to die right now, every suicidal thought is slowly creeping in right now and I honestly don't want it to go away.