I don’t want to kill myself. I don’t think I could ever get myself to do that. Something could happen to me though or I could get super sick stop existing and I’d much rather prefer that than being alive. Being alive has just become to seem so pointless. Why am I doing all this stuff, dealing with the constant stress of everyday life. It’s hard to find anything that interests me anymore. I don’t want to have to deal with the everyday maintenance of being alive. Even brushing my teeth or taking a shower everyday has become so annoying and tedious. Sure I have good days and those times are fun in the moment but at the end of the day I look back and just think, what’s the point. Why do I try so hard to feel happy when I could just feel nothing at all. Simply be dead and not exist. That’s guaranteed to happen sometime in my future so why do we have to do this whole being alive thing in the first place. I don’t believe in any kinda after life either it’s not like dead me is gonna remember or regret anything. I’ll simply just not exist.