I’m about to turn 25 and I don’t even want it this year. The disingenuous attention is going to bum me out.

Long story short, I lost my job and then got stuck at my parents house. My dad is very narcissistic and toxic and is often damaging to my mental health.

I spent this past year developing myself more, learning more into my career, reading books, becoming spiritual, and finding a cause to do good in the world. I figured all of this is pointless I might as well spend it doing at least one thing that’s bigger than me and then I can die happy. I don’t need to be famous I just wish I can move the needle positively in society or in a community in some way.

I don’t know what that is yet but I’m learning a lot of marketing and I consider myself a creative and passionate individual. I am a musician also. I also volunteer and am involved but it’s all remote.

Right now I don’t have a real job, I have no friends, and now my band is falling apart. Last year, no one showed up to my birthday gathering, which is kind of what caused me to start this journey. I can start a new band by myself, and I can move out and find new friends that aren’t toxic and like me and respect me, maybe even find a girlfriend. I used to have at least a couple of those things at different points in my life. I’ve been through 12 salary paying job interviews these past 2 months and none of them bite.

Now I have NOTHING. And I spent a year on myself for NOTHING. I have friends family and my therapist keep telling me “just wait, your time will come” and other similar pointless advice that gives you nothing tangible to work with and instead is just “your life sucks, you can’t do anything about it, just wait and see if it gets better”

Well what if it doesn’t? What if I get hit by a car tomorrow? God, I really hope I do. I mean, I’m thankful that I’m healthy and alive under a house but I still pay exorbitant bills and it’s really not easy even with a garbage freelance job

I don’t want to live through this bullshit anymore. It’s been a year. I want my reparations back for all the people who lied to me for all this time.

Am I being a freak or what? Why can’t I just catch a fucking break?

Edit: you guys are really sweet and this made my day, thank you