I have this constant battle in my head that occurs where I’ll fight myself whether I’m okay or not, or if I want to kill myself or not. I often think and feel that killing myself would make others happy. I’m usually the guy that makes the effort to hangout, or sends the first message, or something like that. I’m the quiet guy that just sits and never speaks a word, probably being thought of as a creep. I hate myself for some of the recent decisions I’ve made but I feel as though it’s because of my mental health. I feel like and often visualize how I’d kill myself. Hoping I’d someday get the actual balls to do it. Maybe I should just hire someone? If someone kills me, they can have anything they want that I have. I hate myself. I’m unlovable.