So I’ve been having a lot more trouble this year, first of all you can imagine the pandemic has done nothing but exacerbate my depression. Second of all a busy/crowded hospitality job probably induced more anxiety in me than expected so I quit it last spring. Driving food jobs are all I can land my hands on now and I can’t find anything else at the moment. And worse off I can’t get myself out of the house yet off the couch or even really off my phone to focus on much of anything. I had a project I tried to focus myself on months ago a music one and tried to gather people/friends for it so it would make me want to me want to be more motivated so I wouldn’t embarrass myself in not finishing it, that failed I got cold feet. I got way too friendly in helping a friend with financial woes from the past year, I blocked them earlier this fall. And to add to all the distortion I had a friend or I thought they were on block me with no context out of the blue this past week. So I’m all out of sorts and my mind is as usual spinning and unfocused my ears off balance and my anxiousness well isn’t improving. I kind of feel like another friend is going to treat me like this again at any moment. I can’t help but feel I said something to either make my friend uncomfortable or there’s something she wasn’t willing to say. In short I’m so confused... I wish I could do anything to calm down.