I've been dealing with these sort of feelings for as long as I can remember. I have no drive to do anything, i get envious when i see people taking care of themselves because something in my brain stops me from making any sort of progress with myself. I hate it. I feel it gets in the way of sooooooooo many things in my life. It almost feels like I am a dud, doomed to fail, because i can't bring myself out of that head-space i have known for so long and sometimes i feel too far gone with it to start making any changes. I've tried, but i always end up back where i started. It's awful. It's like a vicious , never ending circle of misery and self hating.