I don’t know if this is allowed so if it’s not please remove it. I thought I’d just share something I think about a lot of times. You know when you watch a movie that has a lot of action or fighting and at the end the heroes win and there’s this contemplation background music they put. It’s not for every happy ending movie, it’s like for movies who end well but after so much loss so it’s like a grieving, relieved it ended ending song (inception as an example). Do you ever relisten to those songs and feel like this is the song that would play in the background at your funeral as if you’re there in spirit and you’re looking around to see who came, what they’re doing and saying and you’re like this is what it took for them to care. I can feel that sensation in my whole body every single time and over time you kinda get addicted to that feeling/song even though you know it’s not healthy.