M/30/UK

I've had enough.

I've only got 2 family members left that I know. I don't know the family on my dad's side because of his childhood (he was abused). Now my mum is in her 60s, and I've got an uncle left that's older. I've no partner & no kids. Sooner rather than later, I am going to be truly alone in the world.

Don't really have many friends. Probably less than a handful, maybe even less that actually like me and don't just put up with me. They won't be around when I'm alone anyways. Too ugly & pathetic for any lass to want to date anymore, been on my own for nearly 2 years now. Before that I was in an abusive relationship with an ex who pinned me up against a fridge one night, put a knife to my chest and said "I could kill you right now & nobody would even know it was me".

So I'm starting to embrace my fate. My honest plan is once my mum & cats aren't around anymore, I'll be checking out. Had the means researched & planned for years. 5 second jump off of Beachy Head to oblivion for me. I've never been a popular or likeable person, never even had a birthday party as a child because I didn't have many friends. That's continued into adulthood. On medication (Sertraline & Promethazine, for nobody still reading) for depression & sleep issues.

I wish happiness was something that happened to me.

Fuck it, nobody will remember me when I'm gone anyways.