My father passed away in 1997 when I was 11 years old. He had two half sisters I knew existed, but never met before. They recently messaged me, and it opened some old wounds, but it also allowed me to get a lot of shit of my chest. My dad's mom abandoned my dad when he was just six or seven years old. She remarried, had two daughters, and never looked back. This abandonment destroyed my father to his core, and I believe is the reason he passed away at the age of 45 from a heart attack (he was extremely healthy and fit, and did not smoke, drink, or do drugs). Below is a letter I wrote to my two half aunts. I'm 34 now, but creative writing has been my thing since my English teacher in college inspired me to write to write about life. Let me know what you think.

​

Thank you for checking in on me! Even if you do not hear from me often, please do know that you and the family are always in my thoughts! I received some pictures that you sent to my sister that I have been wanting to reach out to you about. There is no combination of words that can describe how chaotic my life has been for the last five months.

So much has been going on, I do not even know where to begin! I guess I can start with the pictures of Grandma's father (my great grandfather) that you sent to my sister. This was the first time I ever saw what my grandmother’s father looked like. The hair on the back of my neck rose when I saw these pictures of him. Grandpa looked like a man of conviction! In the picture of him with the other men, he looks like a warrior! If that is the case, I hope that some of his spirit lives through me. Did he live long enough to know that my sister and I existed? What was his profession? What, if any, legacy did he leave behind? I want to more know about my great grandfather. When you get the chance, please fill me in on these details about him.

Three out of four of my grandparents died before I was even born, which always caused an emptiness and void in my life. Grandma was the only living grandparent I could have had a relationship with to fill that emptiness but did not. Growing up, this literally made me jealous of my friends who had and still have their grandparents in their lives. Coming from two parent households has an undeniable impact on the prosperity and overall, well-being of children, and my father was robbed of that family structure. Starting from the earliest days and continuing into a man’s adult years, mothers nurture emotional intelligence in their sons, which is so important for their mental health. When that deep emotional bond and attachment is absent, behavioral problems inevitably occur later in life. Whatever effect this had on my father, subsequently impacted my mother, my sister, and myself profoundly, and to this day.

For the record, no side of my family, and no family in general, is perfect. All these experiences, whether good or bad, have made me the man I am today. I am constantly evolving and maturing. Now at the age of thirty-four, I have learned and experienced things that have changed my outlook on others and on life in general in a positive way. With age comes wisdom. When I was young, sometimes the thought of Grandma would elicit emotions of hatred and anger in me for what my father had to endure. Now as an adult, I realize that it is of absolutely no benefit for me to ruminate on how my father’s life would have turned out had his mother not abandoned him. As I have aged, and found out more information, I empathize with both, and look at things from both of their vantage points, which has truly helped me make sense of their relationship. I identified the anger and hatred, focused on it, and released it, when I realized that, just like my grandmother and father, I am no angel myself.

Talking to you (my half aunt) is an important part of the healing process and path to reconciliation my sister and I need so much, especially at this point in both of our lives, and especially for my sister after having children of her own. One important message I want you to take from this letter is that no matter what happened between Grandma and my father, I personally never in my life harbored any negative feelings towards you two (my two half aunts). Neither of you were responsible for what happened. In fact, you two were victims caught in the crossfire of a strained mother and son relationship that was never fixed, just like my family was. The fact that you both reached out to my sister and I, and have been so embracing and loving towards us, has strengthened my resolve to want get to know you both, as well as your entire families, much better. We cannot change the past, but we can at least brake the generational cycle of disrupted family relationships starting now with us, so that hopefully our future generations will stay connected, and know about their entire family history even long after we are gone.