The bulk of our conversation. https://imgur.com/a/RixzDYb The parts I cut out were us greeting each other, me asking him how he is, and him saying he’s done with this shit.

For context he is a friend of mine that I got to know maybe around 2 years ago, having known of him for a bit more than that. In the beginning we were casual know each other through other friends and through clubs kinda friends.

At some point in November 2019, I learned that he had reached a breaking point with some of his other friends during the summer and that it was impacting him. This is where I learned of his depression in full, and where I stepped in to offer help.

I listened to his problems, let him vent, hung out with him, got to know him, tried to kinda guide him towards healthy actions like getting professional help and even offered to go with him and got recommendations for him (didn’t really work out though), tried to keep an eye out for any potential of suicidal thoughts and plans, that sort of thing. I was afraid of him attempting to take his own life and I called a welfare check on him once during this time. This period was from around November 7th last year to April this year I’d say.

I learned a lot about him during this time and how he felt let down by his friend group not checking up on him and giving him the attention he felt friends should give each other, which I felt was understandable. They weren’t a group of really chummy guys who hung out all the time y’know? We never really checked up or talked to each other on our own time; in my experience at least. And they didn’t exactly reach out to help him deal with his issues. So I could see how he felt abandoned by them.

After that period of time, I actually let go of the situation quite a bit. I stopped checking up on him often since... to be frank with you I was tired. I had college classes to deal with now, and he was at home with his parents who somewhat knew about this issue. I knew I should’ve checked on him a bit more but I just didn’t for whatever reason. We talked a few times but I found myself focusing on my own life a lot more. This period lasted from April to about now.

And to be honest I think maybe some of this has to do with the fact that we were friends but not the best of friends. Which is awful to say I know, but we hadn’t known each other a staggeringly long time and we didn’t really relate that much to each other. I structured a lot of my time with him around trying to help him rather than enjoying my time and having fun with him. I wasn’t dedicated to helping him at this point. I think if I really was dedicated to helping him as a friend I should’ve been there for him during this time. And that I consider my mistake.

Now I’m not really sure what to do. I kinda think maybe he should be cutting me off and he’s got expectations for me that I’m unfortunately not really up to fufilling. Another side of me thinks he needs me to apologize and continue supporting him. He doesn’t have a lot of people doing that for him.