Yes, i know youve seen a million posts like this but this is serious and i dont want to die. Heres my story

Hi, my names Logan and im 17. I dated a girl for a year and a half. I broke up with her because i needed a break to deal with some personal deaths but i wanted to get back with her, and i told her this. (Im aware this is selfish and i hate myself for it). A month later i caught her in bed with my best friend and that sent me into a mental spiral

I was so mentally frazzled and i still loved her that i got back with her, and we dated for a month and i wasnt okay for the whole time. She dumped me.

I have PTSD and depression from walking in on them because it was such a high stress for me and ive never experienced anything like that in my life

So basically, this was in November, and im still not okay now. And its not completely them, but my parents play a hig part in why im fucked up right now. They are great, they support me financially and they gave me a car when i got my licence, but they dont understand mental health at all. My dad especially, is super old school. He is super stubborn, super self centered and believes that its easy to just man up and get over it. My dad had both of his brothers commit suicide. Whenever i bring up depression with them, they tell me to man up and get over it. The truth is, i wish i could. I dont want to be sad.

Im emotionally numb. My uncle died 2 weeks ago and it didnt bother me at all. Im having trouble focusing on anything and its affecting my schoolwork. Ive been through one term of school this year and it doesnt even feel like it. My life is a huge struggle and i dont know what to do

I got in an argument with my parents literally an hour ago about my schoolwork, attempting to explain that i cant focus on things because im mentally not okay. Im legit suggesting buying some ritalin off my friend just so i can make them happy and focus on my shit. Im also sitting here knowing that itd be best if i just ended it. Please help me, im just a kid