Most days I'm able to forget or avoid thinking about everything thats happened in my life within the past few months. I believe I'm over it and I try pushing forward to start a new...but then there are nights where I can't sleep as I think about things I'll never have again.

I think about how I'll never really be able to spend time with a close friend of mine like I used to because the other friends he has just...don't like me which means I'm left out of all sorts of things having to wait till his other friends are all gone or busy. He understands this issue and we're trying to make things work but...I just keep thinking about it.

I think about my GF whenever I see something she'd find funny or like...something that relates to us as a couple and for a second I consider sending her it but then I remember we aren't a couple anymore, we broke off communication till she wasn't as stressed anymore...so I have no one to share that stuff with.

I think about my GF every time I picture my ideal significant other, I always compare others to her and no one stacks up...but I also know that she isn't the one...at least to an extent.

Then with the quarantine I begin thinking "Oh the people who didn't like me as a friend might reconsider now that communication, friendship, and sticking together is being made important now." or "My GF might message me wanting someone to talk to or vent to during this time of stress and uncertainty." but all these thoughts are just false attempts at getting my hopes up.

I don't know what I'm asking or trying to convey with this message? I just wanted some people to hear this. I thought I was over the worst of my sadness and sorrow but maybe this is the really bad part? The occasional realization you'll never have what you once had or the pathetic attempts at trying to make things the way they were. Idk...