You know what I really hate about depression? When you're having an okay day and suddenly you feel this tight feeling in your chest and suddenly you're crying and you try so hard not to but it makes the tears fall even faster. You wanna hide or go talk to someone, but who is up at this time at night? Would they even care? Would they leave once you've spilled your whole person to them?

I never realized how much I took going out for granted until this fucking virus took over. I feel so alone and desperate to make friends no matter how, but... I just don't know how to do it. Even behind closed doors, my self esteem is shot to shit and I hate myself for it.

I try to hide deep into hobbies... But I know it would be so much fun with someone to share them with.

I feel like I'm up to my last thread, ya know. At this point, I don't even care if I get the virus. I think I would rather die. I don't care anymore. I don't mean anything to anyone. I just wanna lie here and cry.