What the title says. I struggle with depression & sleeping problems (docs put me on mirtazapine 6 months ago, started on 15mg & now on 45mg, keep telling them they aren't working & are fucking with my head but they keep telling me to take them) & have done for the last 10 years or so. I plan to kill myself one day. Not today or tomorrow or even next week as I've 2 cats that rely on me to ya know, live. Even though I know after not very long they'd start nibbling on my dead body for food. But once they've passed....Got 2 plans already, one is about a 95% cert (530 foot drop onto some rocks. Might even have time to scream "geronimo!!!" on my way down) to get the job done. Told the docs how I feel but according to them because I'm planning to stick around to keep my cats alive there's "preventative measures"' in place, and to ring the crisis team if anything changes. Let me tell you, once the time comes I'll be running for that cliff top & making a phone call will be the last thing on my mind. But they don't care, it's a case of "come back if things get worse". Had a really shitty day today. Fell out with someone at work that I like, even though liking them is stupid. Now it's the weekend & I've 2 days of time to kill with Netflix or gaming or lying on my bed with my eyes closed until it's time to go back to work on Monday. Probably won't see or speak to anyone unless I drag myself to the local shop for cigs. No calls, no messages, no invites. Not unusual, there's reclusive people with more friends than me. Even though I plan to kill myself one day, days like these do make me wish that it'd come sooner rather than later. Sorry for the rant. There's only so many times the cats are willing to listen to me whine.