I got deported for possession of controlled substance (dab pen) on September 11th. I spent almost 3 months in jail and was constantly wishing for the future to pull me out. I didn't know much about Mexico, other than the fact that most of my family lives here, I grew up in the United States. Most of my life I took for granted, never realized how good I had it until it got taken away from me. I've been struggling very much, I got a job as a receptionist at a four star hotel in my city, working 8 hours a day from Tuesday to Sunday. When it gets busy or on certain occasions you don't get a day off, you work from Monday to Sunday. When it gets busy sometimes you have to come in early, working 11 hour shifts, 64 hours a week. This is apparently normal in Mexico, being the country with the most hours worked per year (surpassing China and Japan). I want to keep studying and get a degree but I didn't make it in time to get into college, now I have to wait until August to enroll. I'll be 23 years old. Today I quit my job, not realizing most jobs will make me work the same hours more or less for very low wages. I feel out of place, I quit because I didn't like how everyone was two-faced, setting me up for failure and even the lady in charge blamed me for something her employee of four years did, whom I went out with the night before to drink. I thought this job was toxic but apparently that's simply the way most Mexicans behave, due to the poverty rates and corruption. I thought, "well I can always work at a bar again", little did I know that the cartel are very embedded in the night life and would most probably interact with me at some point. My family has been supportive but I feel like I am burdening them, I can feel it. I constantly feel like I just want this fucking life to end, I don't wanna work to live, and work A LOT. I already dreaded not having much freedom, now I definitely won't have much. I feel trapped, like God is truly putting me up against something much bigger than me, I don't know how to overcome this fight. I really need some help, I hope for a miracle soon. God bless us all with some light.