Hi, it's you again. I see you every day, and you're with me every night. Thanks for keeping me company. Being alone in this world sucks, but you're always with me. You're always with me to remind me that I'm worthless and it's fine if I stay in bed all day, even though you always make me feel like shit when I do so.

But I get it, you're just trying to protect me, you don't want me to get hurt. That's why you make me eat all that junk food, because you know I feel good when I eat it, even though you scold me after I do. But hey, I get it, you just want to see me happy. I know sometimes we fight and I try to get rid of you. I talk about you and sometimes I go against what you want me to do. I'm sorry, I always repent and come back straight to you, and you always take me back. You're always there to remind me I can always do things tomorrow, and when the day comes… well, we always have another tomorrow… right?

Sometimes I wonder, what would my life be if it wasn't for you. What would I be doing right now if you weren't here? I can't help but wonder, I've known you ever since I have memory. I think I remember the first time I met you, that time I was 13 and didn't want to come home because dad would beat me up. That was the first time I did something I wasn't supposed to do, and you helped me do it. Remember that time he made me sit on that chair and hit me with his belt because of my grades? He doesn't understand you were taking care of me, because you know school was too stressful for me so you told me to relax and not do my chores. What a great friend you are.

I have a confession to make to you. Sometimes I wonder what people who don't have you feel like. Can you imagine? Not feeling that you want to die and that you actually want to live? What does that feel like? Again, I can't help but wonder, I don't enjoy life for as long as I have memory. I know you don't like it when I think that, that's why you make me scared of it. You always know what makes me feel good, even though you don't like it when I do what makes me feel good. What does being happy feel like? Such silly ideas in my head, thanks for making me realise.

You're the jealous type, you don't like it when happiness comes around. Sometimes, I even try to avoid her to not make you mad, because I know the times you make me feel the worst, is when you see me with happiness. But don't worry, I know you only do it to protect me.

Oh, do you remember the last girlfriend we had? Yes, the one who cheated on us and you helped me cry for months because of that. Do you remember how you helped me in that relationship? When you told me to thank her every night for not treating me as bad as the others did? Yeah, you told me she might appreciate it so I did. I cried to her every night, thanking her for being with this piece of trash, I'm sure she liked being told that. I mean… she did cheat on us in the end but, but hey, you were there to tell me why we deserved it and I completely agree with you. You always make me open my eyes, what a great friend you are!

Oh, depression, you've been with me for many years and now I'm afraid to lose you. How will I live when you're not around anymore? What will I do when instead of wanting to die, I wanna start to live? I don't know how that feels, how will I know what to do? Sometimes I don't want you to go. You've made me so used to thunderstorms of sorrow and pain that now rainbows seem extraneous and scary to me. People see them as beautiful, but to me, they're unknown. Oh, depression, you always take me into your cozy home, and take good care of me when I'm there. You make me so comfortable, in fact, that sometimes I forget you're there. But you always come to me with a new list of insults to tell myself in the mirror and every time I do something wrong, to remind me my truths! What a great friend you are!

Oh depression, that's why it hurts me to have to leave you behind. We've had so many moments and I have so many memories with you. My first cry to sleep, my first breakup, the first time a significant other mistreated me, the first time my dad beat me, the first time I was cheated on, the first kid who hit me in school, the first bad grade I got, the first suicide attempt we made… we did it all together. That's why it hurts to leave you. I know you don't want me to, but I have to go seek professional help. I know, depression, I know you want me with you. But friend, I need to do this. I'm scared of leaving you too, but now I've realised what I need to do, even though it hurts. I will make an appointment with a professional, to work out this thing we have. Hopefully, I'll recover from what you've done, and I'll be able to move on. Thank you for so many moments, and I won't forget what you made me go through. You've always been an important part of me. That's why I have to let you go.

I hope I never miss you.

Depression is a tough subject many of us have to live through. I've learned from it there is a way out and I'm going to take it. Please seek professional help. I'm going to walk that path, will you come with me? If you're considering suicide, please reach this suicide prevention hotline: 1-800-273-8255. There are always people willing to help. You're not alone.

Thanks for reading, I hope my experience helped you. Feel free to message me if you need anything