I don't know how I got to this point or what I could've done to stop it. All I know now is that, everything from waking up to going to work is an uphill battle. I'm worried about the people around me noticing it, so I go about my daily routine like nothing's wrong. But at that's the hardest part. I don't know how people put on happy face every day with no problem. every day I wear my mask it feels like I've put a chain around my ankle connected to the depression, and I want so badly to just open up to someone. I feel like that'll help. I'm just so scared of being pushed away or scaring someone off that I care about, that I end up keeping everything to myself. I try to compensate by helping other people to be happy and get past their problems. it's only a temporary fix. at the end of the day even with friends and family I feel like im isolated on a deserted island with a life boat just out of reach but still visible. it's been like this since I was 14 and I'm 21 now I've taken meds since I was 14. they haven't helped. I just want to know will this ever end and if it won't why should I let myself suffer any longer than I need to. I want to feel something other than sadness and anger. I can't and won't continue to fight if that's what my future will be. thank you to anyone who read through the whole thing.