I've been really depressed lately. It runs in the family so I'll have good stretches of feeling happy and hopefulness, than out of almost nowhere a giant wave hits hard.

At my job i have too much time to think and end up getting stuck in my head overthinking everything and end up spiraling down the rabbit hole. I felt i needed to get it off my chest and out in the open and maybe it will help.

I've been sort of seeing this lady off and on for the last year and since we've moved away from the town we met in and both have different jobs and schedules, I've noticed things have been slowly drifting apart (just as I start to really have deep feelings). We really never talk anymore and days go by without messages. Like she doesn't care as much as when we first met. Which is I think the catalyst of this bout of depression.

Not only just this lady, other friends and even family don't put any effort into staying in touch. I feel I'm the only one who reaches out and attempts to conversate and 99% of the time hear nothing. No texts, no calls, and plans never work out. Never felt more alone than this last week. Really want to just cut everyone out of my life and stop trying to build relationships with anyone as it always falls apart and make me feel like it's pointless to try anymore. Though i know that isn't an option as it would make things even worse.

Thanks for reading this jumbled post and please don't say "I'm sorry or it will get better." I know that. Just needed to get a few things out and hopefully someone who's been through similar times and gotten better can possibly, point me in the direction back up out of this spiral.